Aberdeen to London with Him

As I sat there contemplating the extent of my anxiety, we took off, and so did my soul. I was flying internally, rising effortlessly towards a great form that I was no longer afraid of. It seemed endless, that grey mass, as if we would ascend for all eternity until suddenly we broke through the barrier of heaven. The brightness of the sun was blinding and startling but as my pupils constricted and took in the surrounding view, my heart stopped.

This was God.

He was here.

Any remaining doubts were eradicated so violently that I thought I might die if I didn’t catch my breath immediately. But today was not my day. There is no way that one can even begin to feel the outlines of death when you are suspended there, between heaven and earth, which by the second, seemed to become less like two separate entities and one real existence. And in that moment I knew that He was with me. I felt it. I felt it in everything that I am because the purest part of me is everything that He is. I am a subset of Him and he is a part of me. Made in his image, imperfectly perfect, bound together forever but the ultimate sacrifice but I’m not complaining because these bonds are the bonds of life. Not oppression, or restraint, or unwillingness – they bare no similarities with anything man could begin to fathom. They are the representation of everything good, everything real, and without them I am nothing. These bonds are the Love of Christ and to cut myself off would mean cutting myself off from everything that goes hand in hand with love. Love is God and God is Love and therefore the opposite of love is not hate, it is an unconceivable emptiness…it is nothing. And that is why without Him, again, I am nothing. My life would become a meaningless vacuum; not even the light of day would be able to penetrate its circumference. Even now as I sit here, putting my trust in the hands of men just like me, I remind myself whose hands I’m really in. Who is guiding me, moving me, watching me always. ALWAYS. I am not alone and I know I never will be because I know that the question is not in his existence or presence, it is not even in mine, for His Love is so great, it cannot be confined to trivial ideas such as life or time. He loved me before I was here and He will love me after I have gone because he is the Lord. If you have ever been down on your knees, in the darkest of corners, being suffocated by sufferings that you feel will surely consume you, trust me when I say – you will call out to Him. You will seek Him. Even when you are just pleading to the night, you are talking to Him and he is listening because he is Lord. And no one can tell me otherwise, not one of you separate or combined could shake or break my faith. Don’t tell me that I believe in the unknown, in things that don’t exist because I’m incapable of hearing you or understanding you. To me, you are the illogical one, because the way I feel is so powerful, I could reach out and touch it. “Don’t you need proof?”, you ask. I have proof. It’s in everything that is.