Christian Grey

I feel like this feeling was never there before but now I definitely feel something. And I don’t know what it is. I’ve never known what it is with you, but you’ve always been something. Always been there, year after year. We get older but feelings never age. Feelings never leave. Feelings never change. 

Always a spark, never a flame. 

Always a graze but never in pain. 

Always the same. 

Until now.

What is this?

We’ve always been a blur. We’ve always been so grey. I’ve never been able to think past the now.

What would we be like?

Would we love each other or kill each other?

Or both?

Could we ever be something other than what we are right now?

Grey.

It’s always grey.

Even now, with hints of colour it’s hard to form a clear picture.

Colours formed in ecstasy.

Colours formed from pleasure.

These colours were always coming.

Now they’re here but they’re not enough.

But this was always the danger, wasn’t it? That we’d never be satisfied with what we had when we got it.

I can’t be the only one who wants more.

But more of what?

More colours?

More texture?

More canvas?

Just more.

And I’m trying, I’m trying so hard to close my mind to these pointless thoughts that can never be satisfied but I still feel you through the dimensions of time and space and you feel so whole. So tangible. So strong.
This was inevitable

Because you left me behind.

You left me behind with my thoughts and bad habits.

Strong as I’ve become, my emotions are stronger.

Strong as they are, they are always too late.