Want

It’s better today. Or is it worse? 
I don’t really know because I’m working on supressing my emotions – whether or not it’s actually working is debateable. Why is it that I’m always having to supress my emotions? Oh yeah, maybe it’s because I keep falling for the wrong people. Or maybe they are the right people but it’s the wrong time. Yeah, that seems more plausible – there’s nothing wrong with my taste, it’s just my timing that needs to be adjusted slightly. Slightly? I make myself laugh. Here we go:

To whom this may concern,

You’re always at the back of my mind if I’m not actively thinking about you, so basically, you’re always in my head. I sometimes get flashbacks and there are shivers down my spine and butterflies in my stomach and I feel like I’d really like to go back in time and freeze in that moment when it was just you and I in our own little bubble, in our own little world.

My heart doesn’t long for you – I’m not in love. There’s no ache or heart break, but there is a slight want. A wanting? I don’t need you, I want you. 

I want you to be near me. No – next to me.

I want you to hold me so I can get lost in your scent. I could live in your scent. I could die in your scent.

I want you to laugh at me, laugh with me, argue with me and then tell me that you like the way I think. I want you to compliment me. 

I want you to ask me if I’d like to spend some time with you. 

I want you to text me everyday and drunk call me on Saturdays.

I want you to play guitar with me and sing the harmony to my melody. 

I want you to hold my hand when my feet hurt and my heels are too high. I want you to dance with me. 

I want you to film me while I talk about important topics like “self-respect” while I’m drunk and then laugh at the irony. 

I want you to know that you make me want to be the best version of myself I can be. 

I want you to be my friend. 

I want you to talk to me. I want you to want to talk to me.

I want you to want to do all of these things. 

I want you to want me. 

I want you.

Is that selfish? Of course it is.
But maybe God is selfish too because he created us to love him. He wants us to love him and that’s not a bad thing, right?

I don’t even want you to love me, not yet, I just want you to like me. That’s not too much to ask.