And I just want you
know – even if you don’t feel the same – I still want you know, that when we
first met, I thought you were one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen.
I still remember it.
Even under the
influence and in the presence of several distracting factors, I remember my
vision tunnelling around you:
Focus. Zoom. Process.
Save.
They say memories
change and they can’t be trusted but I’ll never forget the first time I saw
you. And I’ll never forget the way I felt the first time you looked at me, the
first time you smiled at me. It was like you were fading away from me, far into
some distant alternate universe where there was actually a chance of us
possibly being something.
I don’t believe in
love at first sight but your eyes drew me in so fast, so hard, that I felt tingles
in the very depth of my soul. And potential. And attraction. And happiness. And
sex.
The moment I turned
away, I was so sure that there would be nothing more than what we had just had.
We’d never make it past hellogoodbyes.
Thank god I was
wrong.
And every time I saw
you after that, I felt that tingle.
Suppressed.
Trivialised. Ignored.
How could I allow my
mind to wander?
How could I allow my
mind to wonder?
And every step closer
to you felt miniscule and insignificant. Every exchange irrelevant. Every touch
unimportant. Was I wrong?
Because here you are.
Here we are. And in this moment in time, we are something. Even if tomorrow
never comes, today we matter.
And every step closer
to you feels noteworthy. Every exchange so relevant. Every single touch feels
meaningful because you make it so.
You make me want to
cry every time you kiss my forehead and pull me in close. My heart feels heavy
when you hold my hand. You’re giving me a new thing and it hurts. You burn
inside me. And I’m scared – terrified even. I’ve never felt so comfortable
outside of my comfort zone.
And I don’t know how
much to give you.
And I don’t know how
much you want.
And I don’t know much
of anything right now but I do know that I want look at you forever and
remember the first time.
Remember how I felt
when I first saw you.
Remember how I felt
the first time you smiled at me and etched yourself into my life
